Friday, 1 October 2010

Letter to Orange

This is my first real angry letter.
Still waiting on a resolution but will post it when it's on.
This letter was actually done for my sister. As thankfully... i'm not with Orange.

Dear who ever bothers (if anyone) to read this,

I am writing because i’ve given up hope of speaking to anyone on your ‘no help-line.’
I’ll start from the beginning, to give you a clear understanding so you can do absolutely nothing about it.
I signed up for an Orange 24 month deal with the laptop and modem for about £35 a month. The laptop broke and was sent away to Toshiba to fix it. Who i must say did a fantastic job of fixing it, by gluing (yes you heard me correctly) gluing inside the power jack which as you can imagine has broken again. Now i really wouldn’t have a problem with them gluing the laptop if i’d asked for an art attack... but this isn’t art attack. The laptop therefore doesn’t charge and when i’ve called your customer service line i was told it was out of warranty and Orange were prepared to do nothing about it.
So first of all I would like to offer my congratulations to you for being above the law, by that I mean the Sales of Goods Act. It must really boost revenue for your company knowing nobody can return any of your useless “not fit for purpose” products. I can only imagine it is that, that keeps Orange from bankruptcy as the products are as bad as your customer services. Which brings me sailing into my next point.
When i rang on the 22nd September 2010 about this, which actually took 4 phone calls, I was told Orange no longer do Laptops and have no way of repairing them or exchanging them. Well naturally I wasn’t happy. I’m still stuck with Orange for another 5 months with a broken laptop and nothing being done about it. So of course i did what anyone would do. I asked to speak to a manager. I suppose the adviser just wanted a quick fix to avoid an escalation, so put me on hold (again) and spoke to a manager who said Orange would ‘buy’ me out of my Contract and terminate it without charges. At this point i’d spent a good few hours on phone calls to Orange and thought it was better than nothing. At least i’ve only wasted £700 on a laptop that doesn’t work. So I accepted this offer and asked if the direct debit I had paid only 2 days earlier would be refunded to me as obviously, I was paying in advance and the laptop wasn’t working. She also said i’d have to take another contract out. Funny, as I was just told you’d stopped doing them. The advisor again put me on hold and after more annoying music came back to tell me no it wouldn’t be refunded, but i didn’t have to take out another contract. I then asked for about the 100th time if i could speak to a manager, who came on the phone.
Well now thats the shocker. Do people start as managers and when they actually get good at the job move on to be mere mortal advisers? I’m asking because the manager I spoke to had the worst attitude i’ve ever come across. Considering she works for customer services, perhaps somebody could explain the concept of what customer services is to her. When she got on the phone she was ready for me. She interrupted everything i said and just kept repeating, “i’ve said we will terminate you’re contract early, I'm doing this as a goodwill gesture, and i can revoke it.”
Well ex - cuse - me! I actually had to laugh it off after finishing the phone call, I was that disgusted in the way I was spoken to. I can only assume she’s become hardened to the million complaints your company must receive that she has a routine and just winds them up until they hang up.
 I can just imagine her in her spinning high backed chair throne barking orders while she drinks vending machine coffee, with a look of complete triumph on her face. Just knowing she doesn’t have to display any empathy to a customer because she is a manager! She sits in the bosses chair and makes the decisions! Well to be honest dear people of Orange, you can stick your goodwill gesture up your arse.
Having already spoken to Trading standards about this, whom they advised i had taken a contract out with Orange, not Toshiba, therefore I deal with Orange, not Toshiba, and since you have provided a service that doesn’t work and is still within my contract and therefore warranty period, it is you that must resolve my problem.
So that’s it, I’m not prepared for you to just cut your losses, I am giving you seven days from the date of this letter and if you have not responded I will be taking legal action.
I will never be using you're company again and would rather send messages via carrier pigeon than deal with orange again!
Though every care has been taken to explain this in a very clear and concise way if you are struggling to understand what is going on here, please contact me and i will have my 5 year old son explain it to the moronic staff who work there.



Kind regards

Rochelle Fallon

This actually went to court and was ruled in favor of the asking for money people. (Us) KERCHING!!! 

Avon

Dear Avon Ladies,

I am writing in regards to your product “Youth Awakening Lipstick” with pearl finish as seen on pages 70 -71 of your 15th Brochure of 2010. The product itself looks simply wonderful as it is available in a variety of colours and is supposed to; and I quote, “ make lips look up to 5 years younger” which I understand results were found through a clinical study of 50 people.
I am writing as I am unsure of whether or not to buy your product. I know at £6.00 it’s hardly breaking the bank, however what is really confusing me is how on earth you measure what ages your lips are and if the Youth Awakening Lipstick really has succeeded in making them look 5 years younger.
I suppose what I’m really getting at is what instrument of measurement do I use to see if I really need this product. How do I know how old my lips look?
 How old is the woman in the picture, I’ve been asking people today how old they think she is to which the response is “how am I supposed to know? That’s a stupid question” accompanied with a bizarre look as though I’ve just asked something completely insane. I just need to know. As a 22 year old woman obviously how one looks and feels is important. I just can’t fathom at all if I need it. Should I send you a picture of my mouth and you can offer your professional opinion? I mean the idea of a 17 year olds mouth is a tantalisingly good idea but what if my 22 year old face doesn’t match it?
Are there any plans to introduce 5 years younger eyes and ears? Would that be too much? I don't really know what age you get to when other women start talking behind your back that your trying to look like a teenager.
As you can see good ladies of Avon I’m in somewhat of a dilemma. I really don’t know what to do. I wish it were just the simple question of will this colour suit me, but it’s more like am I going to suit 17 year old lips. Whatever they look like. Do you have some amazing programme that can generate a picture of what they’ll look like? If so do you charge for this service or is it a complimentary service Avon offers?
 I do hope you will look into this as I am keen to get my 17 year old lips with pearl finish.

Please reply

Kindest regards

Rochelle Fallon


Sadly Avon haven't replied. :(
Dear Starburst or Opal fruits if the postman still thinks your Opal Fruits,

My name is Rochelle Fallon and I am writing in regards to your absolutely wonderful product Starburst. I love Starburst, I really do. They’re all bright and pretty and they certainly do make your mouth water. Unfortunately I’m writing to complain. Recently I purchased a packet of your “Choozers,” and was happily scoffing my way through a large bag when what happened next simply horrified me. I unwrapped my red “Choozer” and was all set for the mouth watering sensation of the Chews that Ooze, when absolutely nothing happened. That’s right good people of Starburst, my Chews didn’t ooze!!! I actually pulled the Choozer out of my mouth to see if it had got stuck or had become hard, but nothing faced me but an empty space of what should have been delicious ooze. Breathe…. Ok I’ve calm down. I’m sorry, it just makes me excited and I can’t even begin to describe the disappointment. I was going to send the contents of the bag but I wanted to send this by email because I thought the postman might sabotage the package because he’d feel them and certainly want to eat them. Anyway I can’t send it you because I ate them all because I love Starburst and I didn’t want to lose them. Anyway I’m just making you aware some of them don’t ooze. (There was another red one that didn’t) It might just be the red ones… I’m sure you good people at Starburst will continue to make really great sweets and I just wanted to make sure you knew. I will still buy them and accept them from people because they’re fab. Only other thing I’d like to moan about, is why are they called starburst now anyway? Opal Fruits was a well better name, and since they don’t all burst…. Well ooze.. I’m just saying. It’s just that it makes me feel old and I’m only 22 and ¾
I wanted to show you how happy I am with Starburst so I wrote you a poem.

I like sweeties they make me smile
Especially starburst they’re not at all vile
Strawberry and Lime
They’re simply divine
If I had my way
I’d eat them all the time.

That’s it. You can keep that if you want and use it for your adverts, with some funky music and some hip hoppers... Something cool like starburst.
Anyway I hope you look into the non-oozing chews issue, and I look forward to a reply with the results of you investigation.

Kind regards

Rochelle Fallon

This one was sent like a year ago and they never got back to me. :(
Ah well...

Nestle

Dear Nestle,

My name is Rochelle Fallon and I am writing in regards to your product, Kit Kat.
I am a huge fan of KitKats, they’re just simply wonderful, and when I am at work, and I have a break, I have a KitKat.
It fills me with sorry to say that I’m writing to complain.
It all started when I purchased a KitKat from the vending machine at work. I was indecisive as to press C3 or C4 as there were two rows of KitKats. However I soon made my mind up and opted for the latter. I literally rushed back to my desk because I was so excited to eat it. I carefully unwrapped it so I didn’t break any of the fingers because that’s really annoying and I dunked it into my hot chocolate. The first two fingers were delicious. I have no complaints. A delicious balance of chocolaty goodness and crispy wafer. However when I took a bite out of my 3rd finger, I could not believe it! It was pure chocolate. Not a single trace of a crispy wafer. I thought it might start further down but it didn’t. It never started. It was just chocolate. I immediately started on the last finger which I couldn’t believe it. It was exactly the same, just chocolate. I was most disappointed but it was very clear what I had to do. I had to inform you people at Nestle, that somebody has sabotaged the KitKats and is eating the wafers out of the middle. Though impressive because there were no nibble marks on it and it’s beyond me or any stretch of my imagination how they got the wafer out without breaking the chocolate. I hope that you will thoroughly investigate this and I’m looking forward to a prompt reply.

Kind regards

Rochelle Fallon 


Dear Rochelle

Thank you for getting in touch about Kit Kat.


We are very sorry that two fingers of your bar had no wafer and hope you may be interested to know how these bars are made. The wafer is placed into a liquid chocolate mould. The machine sometimes jams and we miss a centre so the whole mould fills up with chocolate. If this happens, we try to reject all the solid bars but, very occasionally, one will slip through.


We take great pride in producing really good products and can assure you our quality standards have not changed. We work hard to prevent problems like this happening so that your Kit Kat break can be as enjoyable as possible.


To enable us to send you a goodwill gesture, could you please let us know your full postal address along with the size of pack purchased, the 'Best Before' date and production code from the packaging and details of the shop where you made the purchase. This information will be very helpful in our investigations.


We look forward to hearing from you.


Yours sincerely






Lorraine Murray

Consumer Relations Executive
Consumer Services


I love these guys. They could have sent me a Kit Kat but instead actually bothered to take the time to send me a cheque for a pound!

Get in!

Cadburys

Dear Cadburys,

My name is Rochelle Fallon and i am writing in regards to your product Creme Eggs. They are absolutely delicious and also challenging. I love trying to take the foil off without ripping it, which is surprisingly difficult. Anyway the reason i am writing apart from to congratulate you on such a great product, is to just check for my own peace of mind that the chickens that lay Creme Eggs have a good standard of living.
Are they free range as i am unable to find this information on the packaging? It's just that you see so many things on television about the mistreatment of animals that i wanted to be sure that I am enjoying a product that has been made by a happy chicken. Are the chickens cooped up all day or are they allowed to wander about and see their families and friends? I'm curious as the Crème Eggs seem to have gotten smaller in the past few years.... Or maybe i'm just bigger.
 I would also like to inform you of how i eat mine as the advert constantly asks and i'm sure you may need it for market research - I shove it all in my mouth, and sometimes chew.
 I am sure you are asked this all the time, but would it be possible to purchase one of the Creme Egg laying chickens? I promise i will not sell them, i'd just like to raise one and have my own constant supply. I will offer a good price. If it's not possible to buy a chicken that lays the normal size Creme Eggs, would it possible to buy a mini chicken that lays the mini Creme Eggs.
Also what happens if the egg collectors miss an egg? Does it turn into a Creme Chicken? and do the chickens lay Creme Eggs with the wrappers on? I know i've asked alot of questions but i was arguing with a collegue at work the other day and i'm hoping to prove them wrong. I look forward to a prompt reply.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for your e-mail. Unfortunately we do not have this type
of info available. All the detail we have is on:-

our own web site                         www.cadbury.co.uk
our sister company website         www.cadbury.com
our educational website               www.skillsspace.co.uk
or Cadbury World website           www.cadburyworld.co.uk

Sorry we can t be more positive on this occasion.
Charlie
Cadbury Consumer Relations Department


Cadbury Cocoa Partnership – a historic alliance to secure the future of cocoa farming. Visit http://www.cadbury.com/ to learn more




Miserable sods!!!

McDonalds

To whom it may concern,
      My name is Rochelle Fallon, and I am writing in regards to my recent trip to one of your establishments in Whitefield over the weekend. I was absolutely shocked and horrified to learn that you do not serve cheese bites at 2:00 am. I had been out on a night out on the beer and was hungry and I wanted some cheese bites.
      However, the gentleman, I use this term loosely, refused to serve me some cheese bites. His reply was, we do not serve cheese bites at this time of the evening. No explanation was given as to why and I was very displeased.
      Ultimately, this resulted in me having to upgrade to a large meal as I felt that a medium would not be sufficient as there were no cheese bites.  I look forward to hearing from you regarding my comments.
      I trust this feedback will result in some changes being made to the sale of Cheese bites. (Please cold you also bring back potato wedges.)
      Rochelle Fallon 


Boring response but got a £5 voucher! 

Burger King

Burger King

To whom it may concern,

My name is Rochelle Fallon, and I am writing in regards to my recent trip to Burger King near B and Q just off the roundabout in Bury.
I love Burger King, especially Whopper meals. I actually would put them on the same greatness level as wonderful products like the light bulb and Sky Plus.
The reason I am writing unfortunately is to complain. Whopper meals as I’ve mentioned are my very favourite thing ever. The problem is the tomatoes are just too big. I can’t understand how tomatoes get as big as they are on a Burger King Whopper. I didn’t think it was possible to grow tomatoes that big. Amazing but anyway going back to the point, I reluctantly have to say, they are just so unnecessary. Especially as there are two chunks of tomatoes on the burger. I have to pick these off which is just a pain and I get mayonnaise all over my hands. It also makes the burger look puny, where it was this wonderfully large burger and then it just goes, less Whoppery when I take the tomatoes off.
The reason I think this is a problem is with all that unnecessary tomato juice and the mayonnaise, it does make the burger very slippery. It’s so hard to eat and quite frankly, not good enough. The burger slides around and you end up just eating burger bun or just meat and not a delicious balance of the Burger King, burger and bun goodness.
I would like to suggest Burger King opt for Cherry Tomatoes rather than gigantic ones as I think these would be more manageable to eat.
I understand Burger King has a big campaign of “have it your way,” and I suppose I sound like a bit of a moaner when I say, having it my way takes too long and completely defies the point of fast food when I have to order a special burger.
I think Burger King is better than McDonalds and KFC, and the King is so much better than the Colonel or the random people in McDonalds adverts and I will most likely still continue to eat at Burger King because it’s just so cool and has much more street cred than McDonalds, which is far too overrated.
 I love that every time I go to Burger King, I get a crown which I always wear when I’m driving. I just feel that important when I eat at your establishments. I just sincerely hope the tomato problem is addressed and I look forward to a prompt reply.

            Kindest regards

Rochelle Fallon 


Burger King had a wicked sense of humour on this one and sent me 2 Whopper vouchers!!!
Success!!!

Blackpool Council

Blackpool Council
To whom it may concern,

My name is Rochelle Fallon, and I am writing in regards to my recent trip to Blackpool over the weekend which I thoroughly enjoyed. However on Saturday 23rd May at approximately 13:00 I went to the beach. I was absolutely horrified to see that there was no beach. I notice that there has been a lot of work done in Blackpool and it is certainly looking much better than it has been doing.

However, my main concern was that I was looking forward to building a sandcastle but I couldn’t see the sand as the sea was at the newly installed steps. I could not believe what a complete shambles it was.

Also the sea wasn’t as clean as I had hoped, and I feel utterly let down as I feel Blackpool council has given me false hope because of the work that has gone into cleaning Blackpool, I expected the sea to look clean and new.

I hope this will be investigated thoroughly and that it will lead into pushing the sea back so I can build a sandcastle next time I am here. I also expect you to have changed the sea water as the water that is there is a bit too dirty.

I look forward to hearing from you

Rochelle Fallon 


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Rochelle Fallon
                
Thank you for your email dated 27/5/09

So that we can deal with your enquiry, your email has been sent to: -

Department: Tourism
Telephone Number: 01253 478222
Email Address: tourism@blackpool.gov.uk

This Department will now deal with your enquiry.
           
If you have any further queries, please contact Customer First by:-

Email               customer.first@blackpool.gov.uk
Telephone       01253 477477
Facsimile        01253 478808
Web site          www.blackpool.gov.uk

Or visit the Customer First Centre on Corporation Street Blackpool FY1 1NA.

We are open:-
Monday to Friday 8am to 5:30pm for Face to Face enquiries
Monday to Friday 8am to 6pm for telephone enquiries on 01253 477477.
Saturdays 9am to 2pm for Face to Face and Telephone enquiries

Please note our busiest times are Mondays and Fridays and over lunchtime (12pm to 2pm).
Regards, Customer First . Customer First, Blackpool Council * Email:  customer.first@blackpool.gov.uk ( Phone:  01253 477477 & Fax:      01253 478808 [ Web:      www.blackpool.gov.uk





Blackpool Council Kindly wrote to me on this one. I recieved a facinating science lesson about how the sea is tidal and goes in and out...

Absolutely no sense of humour though :(

Letter to Lucozade

To whom it may concern,
           
My name is Rochelle Fallon and I am writing in regards to your product, Lucozade Sport Body Fuel (Orange Flavour)
I am very happy with Lucozade and would even go as far as to say I am a fan of your product. It tastes wonderful and really kick starts my day when I’m tired and particularly hung-over. Therefore it fills me with regret to say that I am writing to complain.
I recently purchased two bottles of Lucozade Sport, Body Fuel as I was participating in a marathon. It was a very last minute decision which was made to participate as I had done no training; I am over weight and smoke around 20 cigarettes a day. However the reason I decided to take part in the marathon is because I was certain that if I consumed your Lucozade Sport Body Fuel, this would give me the energy I needed to complete this marathon and ultimately release my inner athlete.
However, this was not the case.
I consumed the two bottles of Lucozade Sport, Body Fuel, just before the beginning of the marathon and set off on the run at a light jogging pace. I expected it to take a short time to “kick in” and it did not worry me that I soon became very tired and dizzy. I continued to run as I thought my inner athlete was preparing to go and would soon be released, but it never happened.
I did feel hydrated for a short while but shortly into the marathon I felt so dizzy and I fainted. I was most upset that I did not complete the marathon or raise money for my chosen charity and I’m very sorry to say, for the first time in my life I was disappointed in your product.
I did begin to wonder I it was my fault and I was being silly running a marathon after just two bottles of Lucozade Sport, Body fuel and absolutely no preparation or training. If I was to do it again, I would certainly have three bottles and the small capsules of energy which are also a product of Lucozade.

I certainly hope this can be addressed and I look forward to hearing of a resolution and a reply.

Yours truly,

Rochelle Fallon
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucozades response


Dear Rochelle,
Thank you for your email.
Please find above our document on Lucozade sport Body Fuel which we hope you will find useful.
Once again thank you for taking the time to contact us and we hope that you will continue to enjoy our products.
Kind Regards
Vanessa Consumer Relations  

Included in the response was a diagram explaining Isotopes....

Well we couldn't leave it there...

So....

Dear Lucozade,

Thank you for your prompt reply to my email on 07/07/09, from Vanessa who sounds like a delightful woman, however I feel that my enquiry was not taken seriously. Though I very much enjoyed learning about isotopes and other fascinating bodily functions, and very much appreciated the information regarding other Lucozade products, however, I did not feel this helped with my enquiry. Also you included information backing up what I said and I quote “with carbohydrate to fuel your muscles, helping you to maintain performance.” In regards to my original query which I don’t think was even read, that pretty much sums up why I was complaining in the first place as that didn’t happen. I would just like a resolution as to why it did not do what is advertised.

I will enclose what I originally sent and the response I received and hope one again this will be addressed.
I would also like to stress that although dissatisfied with my experience with the product when I did the marathon, I still purchased a bottle of Lucozade this morning and would like to express my thanks on receiving 30% extra free.

Yours truly,

Rochelle Fallon


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lucozade's final response from Shona Hughes who's some athlete and head of something or other...

Dear Rochelle,

Following on from your recent correspondence with Vanessa in our customer service team I was sorry to hear of your recent marathon experience.

As a marathon veteran myself; preparing your body to run 26.2miles requires a huge amount of training which can take months sometimes even longer. Without these necessary miles in your legs your race will likely end in an unpleasant and unenjoyable experience. In addition, as well as a structured training programme, good nutrition and hydration strategies are essential when you are preparing to run 26.2 miles and these strategies should be practised each and every time you run.  

Lucozade Sport Body Fuel is one part of any runners marathon journey and used in isolation without the right training will not provide the product benefit you were looking for. If you are thinking of another running challenge why not visit www/lucozade.com/running where you will find a host of information about running including training tips, product advice, expert insights from Liz Yelling (Lucozade Sport Brand Ambassador and Olympic athlete) about what you need to do to get ready to run any race distance from 5km right through to marathon

I very much hope your recent marathon experience has not affected your plans to continue running. With the right training and nutrition strategies in place you have the ability to achieve any running goal.

Regards

Shona Hughes



No free Lucozade